How Many Tears?

cryingDoes it take to fill an ocean? Does it take to forgive the unforgivable? To recover from cancer or a suicide scare? To grieve what will never be? To get over it?

How many tears before friends run out of Kleenexes and platitudes? Actually, I’ll take the tissues, but you can keep your platitudes. How many tears before the church gets flooded?

Just as there is no specified time limit on grief–so they say– I don’t think there should be a specified number of tears. I hope. I’ve spent nearly a year crying my way through Sunday services. Frankly, I’m tired of it. But every time I walk into church, my eyes begin to water.

I spent the first 6 or 7 months trying unsuccessfully to hide my tears. I alternated between fleeing to the restroom and hoping someone–anyone–would care enough to notice.

Then I went to a different church, but that’s a story for another post. When my eyes begin to well up, people I don’t even know surround me with their arms, prayers, and encouragement! It’s been healing.

People say I shouldn’t be embarrassed by my tears. But I am. Why? I’m not sure.

I thought I’d take a look at what God says about tears and crying. According to my trusty NIV Study Bible, there are 9 references to tear/s and 22 references to cry/cried. Twenty-seven is not a huge number; most of the cry/cried verses are talking about calling out to God for help in some situation as opposed to actual tears. But it’s enough to make me realize that God notices when my tears fall. He hears me when I cry, with or without actual words.

Nothing in Scripture seems to indicate that anyone’s tears will stop flowing before Heaven, so I should probably buy stock in Kleenex. John does promise in Revelation that Jesus Himself will wipe away our tears though. That’s a day I’m looking forward to!

In the interim, I’ll probably cry in church tomorrow. My friends may run out of tissues, and the church may overflow with tears, but that’s okay because the Savior hears my cries for healing, and the King of Kings will offer me something better than Kleenexes.

How many tears does it take? I think I should stop keeping track.

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The BIG, UGLY Thing

Jo Ann Fore┬áDeep breath. I can do this. I have to get the BIG, UGLY Thing out of the way before we can go any further on this blog; otherwise, I’ll be the same, old me. I want to be a new me, even though none of this year’s yucky things are things that I have chosen. Not even a little bit. I don’t know about you, but I like choices in my life. And I’m not talking about the Apple Pecan Chicken Salad versus the Grilled Market Salad. But I digress.

The BIG, UGLY Thing is an impending divorce. There. I said it. When I was growing up–in a pastor’s family–I always felt like divorce was a bad word. I still feel like it is. I don’t want to be divorced; I really don’t. But I’m not being given a choice in the matter, so I’m learning to accept it. I couldn’t even say the word for months.

So now you know. The foundation has been laid for what’s to come. Anyone else out there with me? Anyone else going through or already been through a BIG, UGLY Thing like divorce?

Reinventing Myself

This past year has been the year from you-know-where. Yes, I know everyone goes through hard times. In fact, a friend told me a some time ago that while her hard stuff was not like my hard stuff, hard times and still hard times. If it could go wrong this past year, it did. And I’m not talking about the roach and flea infestations we’ve had in the past month. I’m talking about the REALLY. BIG. STUFF. The stuff that changes your life forever. The stuff that makes you want to bury your head in the sand. Or run away. Or both.

I don’t know about you, but I seem to process stuff best by writing about it. I’ll spare you the gory details (you’re welcome), but I hope to discover a new me. If I can help you along your journey, let me know. Just know that whatever you’re going through, I’ve probably been through it this past year, and you’re not alone!